CrossroadsPosted: August 31, 2009
The one thing I’m sure of?
That I’m not sure of a lot of things.
Some of it I’ve addressed here already. Some of it I’m not sure I ever will. Doesn’t mean I’m not dealing with it though.
Because I’m trying to.
Call it a midlife crisis. Call it what you want. I’m going with the fact that I’ve reached a crossroads in my life in so many different ways.
(And, ok, I’m secretly just a little excited that what I’m calling this is the name of a past Bon Jovi album.)
But, this isn’t about my man. This is about this man. Me.
I know you’ve heard me say that before. And, well, you’ll hear me say it again.
Because it’s true.
What kind of steps am I taking? Little ones.
In a lot of areas.
I’ve had some pretty good conversations lately with people I respect dearly — not to mention admire and trust. Both are people very familiar with my work. Both know me very well.
And both have told me things that I’m not sure I would have believed even a year ago. And, honestly, I didn’t really believe it when the first person would tell me these things. Well, that’s not true. Maybe I believed it (a little), but I had a hard time understanding it (and still do).
However, when the second person, who doesn’t know me nearly as well as the first person, reiterated exactly what the first person has been saying for almost a year, well, it sank in — so much that I told the first person that it was finally sinking in — after all this time. That what the first person had been saying was, in fact, true — even though I didn’t want to believe it.
By no means was I knocking what the first person had been saying. In fact I told this person they were right. And that it was finally sinking in — the more I heard certain things.
It wasn’t a matter of person two validating person one. It was a matter of my own self image — something that hasn’t been particularly positive for a while, for a variety of reasons.
Yet, when you have not one, but two people you respect dearly saying the same thing, maybe it is true. Maybe it is time to listen to that — despite what image is in your own head.
So that’s what I’m trying to do. Listen. Because if I do believe what person one and two are saying is true, then some changes are going to happen. I’m just not exactly sure what that means yet.
Change can, afterall, mean so many things.
And, for me, right now, the biggest challenge is figuring out what those things actually are.
And then, once I do, the next challenge is addressing them.
One at a time.