To Blog or Not to Blog?

….yes, that is the question.

At least it’s the question I’ve been pondering for almost the last two months.

And, I think it’s the question that every blogger asks him/herself at some point. Do I really want to do this any more? Because, honestly, it can get tiring.

And by tiring, I don’t necessarily mean sleepy tired (though based on when I post most of my stuff, that could be the case), I mean emotionally tired. And I think that’s what happened to me.

By nature of who I am, I put stuff out there. Always have. And hopefully always will. Usually, it just takes a question and off I go on something — particularly if I have an emotional connection to something.

This blog has been an example of that. Some of my best writing is about an awful topic — death and dying.

But, that’s who I am. And I can’t avoid writing about that. In fact, as life changes so often, I will probably be writing about that again sooner than later.

I don’t sit down at the computer with an agenda. I sit down, put my fingers on the keyboard and away they go. Whatever thoughts are in there at the time come out.

Lately, however, I’ve been trying to determine how many of these thoughts I want to share with you. And, if I do, what will your reaction be to them?

In a way, I was self-censoring myself.

I mean, I want to write. Scratch that. I need to write. It’s how I deal with a lot. It’s how I let go of a lot. And, well, I’m not always good at letting go — of anything.

And, while I honest to God do come here to write for myself, I can’t lie and say I don’t check my traffic to see how many hits I get. At the same time, I love to get comments. So, yeah, I like to have an audience. Who doesn’t?

Therein lies the problem…some things, quite frankly, I’m not sure I’m ready to share. And that is my dilemma.

I don’t know if it’ll all come out or not. But I’m pretty sure I need to sit here more often, usually late at night like it is now, and put my fingers on the keyboard and see what happens.

I started this blog almost three years ago — and so much has happened in that time frame. Some amazing people have come in to my life — and at least one has left.

The mantra of reason, season, lifetime has never been truer for me. Not as I think about all that is before me and all that lies ahead.

I’m not sure how my words are coming across right now. Nor will I until I read this on the screen just like you do.

See, that’s one of my rules here. Type. Just type. Head down and go. Only fix a typo that you see in the same line you’re on at the time. Otherwise, don’t go back and read and proof and edit. That’s not what this is about — at least not to me. This is about what I’m feeling — at that moment. And while I may have been self-censoring myself, I’m not about to self edit myself.

Doing that defeats the entire purpose of this blog.

Of course, I’m not really sure what the purpose is. I have ideas, but haven’t quite figured it out yet.

So thanks for checking in over the last two months. Sorry I haven’t been around. I’ve been thinking about my ‘return’ for about two weeks or so. And thanks to a couple of blogger friends and some comments on Facebook, I decided, ah, hell, why not.

Let’s see what happens.

So, here I am. Seeing what happens. With an open mind and an open heart. And all I ask of you is to give me the same in return.

7 Comments on “To Blog or Not to Blog?”

  1. fritz says:

    shewwwww, you had me nervous there for a minute! and of course there will be an open heart and open mind on this end.

    p.s LOVE your header picture!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I’ve been dealing with the same dilemma. The censoring issue has weighed heavily on my mind lately too. (read my most recent post for a brief synopsis of how work was involved). Glad I’m not the only one. And glad that your still writing too.

  3. cdp says:

    Firstly, your header is a-mah-zing.

    Nextly, you know I hear everything you’re saying here. For what it’s worth, I miss writing so much it pains me. And soon, I will be free of the litigation that’s kept me quiet for a year now, and I hope to get back on the scene.

    In the meantime, I’m glad we have social networking programs whereby I can still see what’s going on with your precious little family, and we can occasionally moan and groan about our darling Sawx.


  4. Erin says:

    I’m going through the same self-censoring issue. Ugh.

    Thanks for sharing.

  5. Anna says:

    Glad to see you’re back, and hope it is a helpful vehicle for you to unload as it has been before. I think I can tell in person when you aren’t writing, even without checking your page for updates.

  6. Barb says:

    So glad you are back.. You were missed….. I love how you write from the heart… Thanks for sharing pieces of yourself…. We the readers…are very lucky

  7. Carrie says:

    open mind, open heart, no judgement in the bloggin world – that’s my requirement.

    Just write. If those that read don’t like it, its ok. You feel how you feel and no one can take that away.

    Thank you for sharing your heart, ideas and thoughts.

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