Patience, Please Find Me. Now.Posted: February 19, 2009
I honestly believe I’m a good dad. Maybe even a great dad.
And, this isn’t me asking you to tell me that I am a great dad. Quite frankly, the only person I would love to hear that from right now is named Aidan.
This is me beyond frustrated with a certain amazingly smart, (mostly) fun to be around, always thinking four-and-a-half-year-old. Ironically, his name is in the previous paragraph.
He’s killing me. Trying patience? Um, yeah. You could say that.
I guess we’ve done something right, because he’s pretty much perfect whenever he’s with someone other than mom and dad. And, I know, I know, it’s a phase. It’ll change. He’s trying to be in control.
Whatever it is, I get all that. I really do.
But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I don’t like it.
In fact, I hate it.
I hate it that there are moments where I absolutely cannot communicate with him. Can’t do it. Because he won’t allow it. And because I’m not smart enough (or patient enough) to find a different way.
He has spent time in his room. He has been spoken to. He has had time out. He has had everything imaginable. Yet still it persists.
And, I know there are factors. For example, he’s an outside kid. He needs to run off steam and burn energy. He’s been cooped up all winter for the most part and when he gets even 10 minutes outside, he’s happier than being anywhere inside.
He’s been sick. He’s been fighting bronchitis all winter. He’s taken 47 kinds of medicine and now knows what a nebulizer is.
His Mimi is visiting from Florida. Aidan is very close to her. She’s up visiting for a few days. Which is great. It really is. But with Mimi comes a huge amount of excitement. Excitement that is different than any other excitement. Excitement that makes said four-and-a-half-year-old even more excitable.
Is he showing off? Yup. Is he trying to be in control? Yup. Is he succeeding in making me crazy? Yup.
I mean, it’s to the point where I hear myself say things that I know aren’t going to be effective, yet there are no other words I can find that will work.
Mimi is watching the kids during the day this week because our regular sitter is on vacation. And, this morning, I was waiting for someone to come to pick me up and drive me to work.
When I saw the car pull in the driveway, I was actually excited. Excited to get out of the madness of being there all day and wondering what I would say or how I would discipline if necessary. Excited to just be away.
And, it may be a natural thing from time to time — dealing with this type of frustration. But I hate that I thought that. I hate that I was excited to be apart from the kids (especially Aidan) for awhile.
I love him. I do. More than I ever thought would be possible. He makes me laugh. He makes me think. He makes me smile. He makes me believe I am a good dad. And maybe even a great dad.
Just not today.