Ugh.Posted: January 17, 2008
Bear with me, loyal readers, I’m in a funk.
Just a lot going on.
And some of it has put me in a mood that I’m not really happy about being in. But, that’s where this comes in. The whole point of this blog is a selfish one. It’s a place for me to vent a little bit. And, it’s fabulous when you enjoy certain elements of that because you either can relate or just think it’s interesting stuff.
And my intention isn’t to bring you down at all. I hate being in a funk. But, you know what, I’m in one. And I have to figure out how to get out. And, I will. Just bear with me. I mean, there are some of you whose stuff I haven’t read in a few days. I’ve sort of been batch reading and commenting lately. I haven’t disappeared. Just haven’t been reading as regularly as usual.
And, well, I suppose part of the reason I feel the way I do lately is death. I wrote about this a few days ago. It sucks. It totally sucks. Why? Well, today is my brother Tim’s birthday. So how do I not think about him today?
But, the thing is, I have twin brothers. So I have to call Tom and wish him a happy birthday. But how happy is it really going to be? The closest person to him, his twin, died. So how can he go through another birthday — something that is supposed to be happy — without thinking of his twin brother? And what the hell can I say to him to make it a happy day? I’m not sure there’s anything I can.
So, yeah, I got that going for me. And the worst of it, two weeks from today is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Now here’s the thing, I don’t get incredibly emotional around my Dad’s birthday. I remember it, and I think about him that day (like I do every day), but I haven’t felt like this around his birthday that I do around Tim’s. And that’s what I can’t figure out. Is it because Tim’s was so sudden? Or because, as I’ve said, you kind of expect to bury a parent, but not a brother? I just don’t know.
So here I am in the dumps about my brother, and then I’ll be in the dumps about my dad in just a couple of weeks. And, oh by the way, I was just in the dumps about a family friend who passed last week.
I mean, come on. Are you kidding me? This is why I always say, “Grown-up stuff sucks.”
So, that’s my story.
A few positives though:
I got a ticket to the AFC Championship game on Sunday. Woo-hoo Pats!
I dropped Aidan off at pre-school today, and, yes, we got the green hanger. But, on the way out, I asked the teacher how he was doing, and her eyes sort of lit up.
She went on to say how he’s coming out of his shell more and more. He’s not always playing directly with the other kids, but he’s in their area now as opposed to being on his own before. And, I guess that’s a normal thing. But, she said he’s got a great sense of humor and that if one of the teachers says something wrong, he’s the first to say something about it. And she meant that in a good way.
But here’s the one that really got me. She said that the other kids are drawn to him. That when he’s talking, they are listening and responding. That was the coolest thing to hear.
Especially when you’re in a funk.