Ugh.

Bear with me, loyal readers, I’m in a funk.

Just a lot going on.

And some of it has put me in a mood that I’m not really happy about being in. But, that’s where this comes in. The whole point of this blog is a selfish one. It’s a place for me to vent a little bit. And, it’s fabulous when you enjoy certain elements of that because you either can relate or just think it’s interesting stuff.

And my intention isn’t to bring you down at all. I hate being in a funk. But, you know what, I’m in one. And I have to figure out how to get out. And, I will. Just bear with me. I mean, there are some of you whose stuff I haven’t read in a few days. I’ve sort of been batch reading and commenting lately. I haven’t disappeared. Just haven’t been reading as regularly as usual.

And, well, I suppose part of the reason I feel the way I do lately is death. I wrote about this a few days ago. It sucks. It totally sucks. Why? Well, today is my brother Tim’s birthday. So how do I not think about him today?

But, the thing is, I have twin brothers. So I have to call Tom and wish him a happy birthday. But how happy is it really going to be? The closest person to him, his twin, died. So how can he go through another birthday — something that is supposed to be happy — without thinking of his twin brother? And what the hell can I say to him to make it a happy day? I’m not sure there’s anything I can.

So, yeah, I got that going for me. And the worst of it, two weeks from today is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Now here’s the thing, I don’t get incredibly emotional around my Dad’s birthday. I remember it, and I think about him that day (like I do every day), but I haven’t felt like this around his birthday that I do around Tim’s. And that’s what I can’t figure out. Is it because Tim’s was so sudden? Or because, as I’ve said, you kind of expect to bury a parent, but not a brother? I just don’t know.

So here I am in the dumps about my brother, and then I’ll be in the dumps about my dad in just a couple of weeks. And, oh by the way, I was just in the dumps about a family friend who passed last week.

I mean, come on. Are you kidding me? This is why I always say, “Grown-up stuff sucks.”

So, that’s my story.

A few positives though:

I got a ticket to the AFC Championship game on Sunday. Woo-hoo Pats!

I dropped Aidan off at pre-school today, and, yes, we got the green hanger. But, on the way out, I asked the teacher how he was doing, and her eyes sort of lit up.

She went on to say how he’s coming out of his shell more and more. He’s not always playing directly with the other kids, but he’s in their area now as opposed to being on his own before. And, I guess that’s a normal thing. But, she said he’s got a great sense of humor and that if one of the teachers says something wrong, he’s the first to say something about it. And she meant that in a good way.

But here’s the one that really got me. She said that the other kids are drawn to him. That when he’s talking, they are listening and responding. That was the coolest thing to hear.

Especially when you’re in a funk.

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15 Comments on “Ugh.”

  1. Molly says:

    Like father, like son.

    Sending a big hug your way.

  2. Clink says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry you’re in a funk but I totally understand why. In fact, now I’m in a bit of a funk on your behalf, because I adore you.

    This [funk] too shall pass.

    Go Patriots! (Also, go Giants.) That’s amazing that you’re going to be at the game; M is going to be very jealous.

  3. Anna says:

    When Aidan talks, people listen! Just like dad.

    And that’s a hug aimed at you, and to be shared with Tom. What a tough day for him, too. I’m so sorry.

  4. JenBun says:

    Grown-up stuff sucks!!!

    You’ve had to deal with a lot lately… that’s why we, the blog-friends/readers/whatever, are here to e-hug you while you vent!

    I’m not a big Pats fan (Sorry! And they are playing the Bolts! I’m from SD!), but know that if they win, they are winning for you. But if they lose? It’s because they suck! (heh, OK, can’t claim that this season, but still…) =)

  5. Stephanie says:

    Here’s to hoping that a Patriots win in Foxboro will bring you right out of your funk!

    Mark is also going to the game and I am INSANELY jealous.

  6. Sara says:

    Have a great time at the game, and that’s such a huge compliment about Aidan – you should be very proud 🙂

    E-hugs from an e-stranger.

  7. Chelle says:

    *cue crazy lyrics by chelle to cheer up Mikie!

    Gotta make a move to a place that’s right for you.
    Place to keep you movin’, keep you groovin’ with energy.
    Well, let’s talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.
    Gotta move on –
    How do we take you outta Funkytown?
    Gotta move on –
    How do we take you outta Funkytown?

    *cue crazy dancin’ by chelle to cheer up Mikie!

  8. Barb says:

    A big hug to you today…. Hang in there.. I know it can be really tough… but you will get through this funk… and be stronger than before…

  9. love the e-hug concepts! Yes, more e-hugs. and amen to Chelle’s comments. This blog has such warmth – blogger and commenters all. Go Pats & go Pack!

  10. elizabethews says:

    I’m sorry you’re in a funk. That’s not fun. Focus on the good because it’ll pull you out of it (even if you don’t know it’s happening).

  11. Grown-up stuff does suck but there are also a lot of things to be happy about a grateful for. Like Aidan and the green hanger. I’m sorry you’re in a funk though and I hope it passes soon. I’d say that you have to have the rain to see a rainbow or something, but that’s totally cheesy.

    At least your football team is going to the AFC Championship game. There’s always that.

  12. Fritz says:

    the funk sucks! but at least its not smelly! so there is no amount of polyanna type things to say to make ya feel better, just that we have all been there and i know you will get through this because you are you and you are great!
    p.s have a blast at the game, once again you will have to let me know where your seat is so i can brag to nick that “nah nah i have a friend who was at the game…”

  13. erin says:

    sorry to hear about the funk, but that story about your son is adorable. grown-up stuff sucks, but then there is that cool grown-up stuff that comes out of having kids, right?

    have fun at the game! i can cheer on anyone at this point (except maybe green bay) since the stupid bears are stupid.

  14. Stormy says:

    I hope you’re feeling better pal.

  15. JC says:

    Dude –

    right about now
    i’m your funk soul brother
    check us out now
    we are funk soul brothers

    Hey – I’m sorry you’re hurtin.

    April 18 marks the 10 yr anniversary – if you can call it that – of my Godmother passing away.

    I can’t help your funk, or being sad about the deaths you have seen and felt in your heart. But, I remember a story somewhere – I’ll have to find it for you – about a boy who went to a house next door and helped his very sad neighbor out immeasurabley. When he returned home, his mom asked, ” What did you do at Mr. So and So’s house?”

    The Boy, “I helped him cry.”

    Or something like that.

    So, I share the below with you from my heart and these are true.

    1. Mary is learning to understand what dead means. And, she seemed to think that when you’re fired from a job you’re dead. Her words, “When you’re fired, you die. Umm Hmmm…I’m telling the truth daddy.”

    2. I have friends who moved from the DC area to Houston, Texas because there is a couple who they want (now it’s wantED) raising their kids in the event that they die. And, they wanted their 2 kids around them more and more.

    Tough part here is that, well, they HATE HATE HATE the Houston area and are looking for job opportunities to move back to the DC area.

    Their conclusion: Instead of moving as a plan for life, they moved as a plan for death.

    Give yourself a break here because death is traumatic no matter the time or place. And, you’re still grieving. When your family friend died, it brought back all those feelings of those closest to you who have passed away – your dad and your brother. And – THAT’S NORMAL!

    Whether you want to believe it or not.

    This is yet another way that the bond between you and the mrs. and your kids and your family grows between you all.

    Maybe a round of flowers and how it makes Mrs. FIJ feel will make you feel better too.

    You’ll come back out from the fields.


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